Where Did I Put My Rose Colored Glasses?

I hit a really big brick wall this year in my day job.  It's happened before, but never like this.  In fact, I nearly walked out-never to return again.  But, instead of quitting, I took some time off.  Metaphorically speaking, I branched out and tried a "new flavor of ice cream".

And it helped.  I felt so much relief from the pressures I'd placed on myself.  I became stronger, more aware of who I was and what I needed to be.  And I returned without my rose colored glasses.  UH-big mistake!

I'm still reeling from the effects of opening myself up like that.

You see-I guess I thought I could easily override stereotypes, be a non-conformist type.  I have ideas, thoughts and beliefs that I know to be true.  And then, I get slammed with sexist remarks from the moment I walk in the door. I KNOW they were all in fun and actually I laughed-because the situation really was funny. (And this particular guy ALWAYS makes off colored statements-it's part of his persona.  Not that it's okay, because essentially he's in a position of power-but it is what it is-and he's so DAMN lovable that it's impossible to get mad at him for real. Not to mention that professionally he's among the best at what he does.)

But still I got thinking....no wonder I feel so frustrated.  There's a lot of truth in joking and in assumptions people make.  And I used to let stuff like that hold me back.

"But I will hold on hope 

And I won't let you choke

On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain

And I will change my ways

I'll know my name as it's called again"

-Mumford and Sons

I AM however, desperately searching again for my rose colored glasses.  I think I'll need them to survive just a little longer-at least until I've found more solid ground stand on.  But I'm pretty sure, with my personality, I'm gonna need them forever.  

"Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind"

-Mumford and Sons

Because I'm NOT going to conform.  EVER.  And I can't realistically expect others to understand.  But I can learn to deal with it.

"So make your siren's call

And sing all you want

I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now

And I need to know how

To live my life as it's meant to be"

-Mumford and Sons

"So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears"

-Mumford And Sons