A Million Pieces

My mind has been blown to bits. It's nothing new, really. I think I am just sick of it. Every day I tell myself upon waking that today will be different. But it's not. By 4pm, I feel that I have accomplished nothing, even when everything is neatly in place.

What is strangling me? I've been asking myself this since April. I have yet to get an answer.

Why am I so freaking scattered? I used to like it. Now I find it exhausting.

How do I change?

Do I even want to?

Am I asking too many questions?

Yes, I think that is the problem. I feel like I am in limbo, stuck in a canyon. Maybe I have too many choices. Or maybe my world has grown too big.

Days are going by too fast. My life is moving forward, but I am stuck wondering what it is that I am looking for and no one to tell me.

Living in the now is very enjoyable-to a point. Just as soon as I begin to plan again, I feel interrupted. I must take control, but I am too tired to battle.

I guess a vacation is in order. I'm happy it's coming next week. In June, I realized a lot of things. Maybe in August I can start to live them.

if life were a beach...

At this moment sweat drips down my face, my toes are digging in the sand. Already i have floated among the waves, allowing them to carry away my angst. This is what I have been living for. This is where my muse is most alive. But I wonder, if my life were a beach would I need something more to feed my muse or would I be eternally creative? Something tells me the latter. It will be years before I will know the answer to that. So for now, I will appreciate the few beach days I get. If nothing else, it will push me to keep trying to make my life a beach.