Friday, July 29, 2011

Where Did I Put My Rose Colored Glasses?

I hit a really big brick wall this year in my day job.  It's happened before, but never like this.  In fact, I nearly walked out-never to return again.  But, instead of quitting, I took some time off.  Metaphorically speaking, I branched out and tried a "new flavor of ice cream".

And it helped.  I felt so much relief from the pressures I'd placed on myself.  I became stronger, more aware of who I was and what I needed to be.  And I returned without my rose colored glasses.  UH-big mistake!

I'm still reeling from the effects of opening myself up like that.

You see-I guess I thought I could easily override stereotypes, be a non-conformist type.  I have ideas, thoughts and beliefs that I know to be true.  And then, I get slammed with sexist remarks from the moment I walk in the door. I KNOW they were all in fun and actually I laughed-because the situation really was funny. (And this particular guy ALWAYS makes off colored statements-it's part of his persona.  Not that it's okay, because essentially he's in a position of power-but it is what it is-and he's so DAMN lovable that it's impossible to get mad at him for real. Not to mention that professionally he's among the best at what he does.)

But still I got wonder I feel so frustrated.  There's a lot of truth in joking and in assumptions people make.  And I used to let stuff like that hold me back.

"But I will hold on hope 
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again"
-Mumford and Sons

I AM however, desperately searching again for my rose colored glasses.  I think I'll need them to survive just a little longer-at least until I've found more solid ground stand on.  But I'm pretty sure, with my personality, I'm gonna need them forever.  

"Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind"
-Mumford and Sons

Because I'm NOT going to conform.  EVER.  And I can't realistically expect others to understand.  But I can learn to deal with it.

"So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say
Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be"
-Mumford and Sons

"So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears"
-Mumford And Sons


  1. You don't need rose-colored glasses. You need to learn how to either let things roll off your back OR stand up for yourself in a tactful way. The glasses just cover up the truth. The truth is so hard to see like you discovered, but it's learning the proper way to respond that helps us grow.

  2. The glasses stay on until I have better tools! besides...they flatter my eyes :) I <3 U SERA!!