Friday, June 26, 2009

As soon as I...........

My kids' school year has ended. OH! The visions I had of my first full year of freedom. Yeah, well, very little of it happened. Why? Well....let's see.

A lot of it, I think, was plain, old adjustment. For the first time in my adult life, I had the ability to be on my own for six full hours. No more drop-offs or pick-ups at preschool. No more lunches to be made in the middle of the day. No interruptions from little people AT ALL from 8:30 am-3 pm. Truth be told, I was lost. I was not comfortable in the driver's seat of my life.

Next, I think guilt played a part. Suddenly, faced with me time, I felt that I owed it to my family to create the perfectly organized home. Except that, I didn't WANT to clean. I WANTED to write. So my two wants battled each other all year. AND I LET THEM!

And finally, the ugly beast of procrastination took over. I could write as soon as I _________ (fill in the blank!). I never finished _____________ because family life never ends. Therefore, I did not allow myself to freedom to work.

So now summer is upon me and the kids are home all day. In many ways, I'm relieved. No more hustle and bustle of routine. And sadly, I feel complete. My day is dictated by others, yet again.

My goal for this summer: live for today, enjoy what's in front of me, and take control of my future. It was scary being alone, but come this September I'll know better what to expect. Over the next few months, I plan to take action that forces change. Most importantly, I will stop saying "As soon as I....." Like the characters in my book, I need to stop starting to do something and just do it!

Monday, June 15, 2009

A Guilty Plea

Taking time away for myself has brought me closer to realizing how many unnecessary burdens I carry. One of them, the heaviest, holds me back from doing many things. Most of all, guilt prevents me from succeeding.

What is success to me? It's peace and pride in doing the best I can at whatever I do. It is, however, difficult to allow either of those in when the cloud of guilt consumes my soul.

Why do I let it? I have yet to figure that out, because the battle raging within me zaps all of my energy. And so, today, fresh on the cusp of a relaxing 'me' vacation, I am entering a plea...a guilty "Let Me Be Myself."

Go away guilt, because "Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you to say that it's okay. So tell me please, would you one time let me be myself, so I shine with my own light..."

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The perfect quote for a young adult novelist..."I avoid a midlife crisis by constantly repeating adolescence."

Monday, June 8, 2009

if life were a beach...

At this moment sweat drips down my face, my toes are digging in the sand. Already i have floated among the waves, allowing them to carry away my angst. This is what I have been living for. This is where my muse is most alive. But I wonder, if my life were a beach would I need something more to feed my muse or would I be eternally creative? Something tells me the latter. It will be years before I will know the answer to that. So for now, I will appreciate the few beach days I get. If nothing else, it will push me to keep trying to make my life a beach.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Ethan may be a distant memory, a character laid to rest, but Beth will most certainly fill part of the void. She was originally created to demonstrate Loredana's inability to read people. But she turned out to be a little over-dramatized. In my revisions, I have toned her down, yet built her up at the same time. (At least, I THINK I have!)

I have been having fun fine-tuning this character. The changes have been inspired by a resource I have come to love, Writing and Selling the YA novel by K.L. Going. Though I hate defacing books with highlights, I have marked up countless pages with notations. I know I'll be returning to these spots again and again.

Beth is also coming more to life because of my intense reading for research. In the past, I was afraid of copying the great authors, instead of creating my own voice. (Not to mention that reading others made me feel inadequate!) But, after constant urging to read more of my genre, I got over myself and began reading in earnest. My Kindle has helped quite a bit too, because I can highlight passages and take notes, without defacing paper books.

So, as I mourn the loss of one character, I celebrate the birth of another. I think Beth is really going to be great, at least, I hope so. She' ll be a useful tool in bringing Loredana to life. She will be dynamic and interesting, instead of hot and cold. I look forward to becoming acquainted with her.

Some of the books I've read recently for inspiration include: Riding the Universe by Gaby Triana, Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr, Carrie by Stephen King. and, as I mentioned before, the Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer. With more coming, of course! Many of which, I have found via Blogger.