One of the greatest gifts of parenthood (for me) is learning how to live again. And ideally, learning how to do it the RIGHT way.
I have two kids. I'd describe both of them half me-half the husband: a cool mix of the best of us.
We call ourselves TEAM K. See? The picture below? We're making the letter K. The dog is the underscore.
BOTH of my kids are confident, comfortable in their skins and assertive of their needs. When I think back to when I was their ages, I'm pretty sure I was too.
So when did I lose it? Because I'm it's been awhile since I really, really felt comfortable doing almost ANYTHING.
Okay, okay-I know what SOME of you would say, but it's mostly a front or an honest to God effort and later an obsession if I speak up for myself.
I think I found the answer...well, a piece of the bigger puzzle anyway AND something for me to think about. I've been doing psychology research to help with character building in my novel. And on Psychology Today's website I found a great article on being assertive. This paragraph really is what sucked me in:
"For two decades, Charles Darwin suffered crippling anxiety whenever he so much as imagined publishing his theory of natural selection. The quiet naturalist agonized about how his true beliefs on speciation would affect his standing among his Victorian peers and super pious wife: "It is like confessing a murder," he wrote to a friend. Only when the young scientist Alfred Russel Wallace nipped at his heels with a nearly identical theory did Darwin set aside his work on barnacles and publish On the Origin of Species, securing his place in history with the slenderest of leads." -The Right Way to Rock the Boat by Nando Pelusi
WAIT! DARWIN WAS SCARED TO PUBLISH HIS THOUGHTS?? Oh, I can relate! And right now, I'd love to rant about the lack of emotional evolution our species has suffered-but I won't. I'll save that for another time.
Anyway, at the end of the article, I took the quiz. Many of my answers were-well, I USED to do that, but now-NO WAY! And guess what? I failed in the assertiveness department.
Sorry Darwin...I haven't only NOT evolved. I've REGRESSED. But can I even say that? My kids are exactly what I want to be. And I'm the freakin' grown up! What the heck?
So, I guess it's more self exploration for me. Or maybe I could take some lessons from my kids. After all, we are TEAM K and in our house-everyone gets the chance to shine.