Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Guess who's back???
Oh, yeah. It's me. For a while I've been in a creative funk. Linking words together to make an interesting sentence has been torture for me lately. BUT NOT ANYMORE!
It took 2 vacations, 3 classic novels and a whole lot of soul searching, but my juices are again flowing. I can write and it feels like it's coming from somewhere deeper than ever before.
I suspect I have been too hard on myself, probably like many writers. I also think I needed a break to regroup. But, alas, the time has not been wasted. I have learned a lot these past few months, mostly about me.
First, I realized that I hate to be alone. It's not that I don't like myself. I'm afraid of myself and the powerful person who lies underneath the surface. If I let her go, man, is she going to wreak havoc. Well....I'm now in the process of opening that door. Watch out world!
Second, I have been fighting the very demon that inspired me to write in the first place. See, the whole book process started as an attempt to learn about choices that I have made in my life and I think I got a little too close for comfort. And I shut down. It's what I do. In the process of shutting down I withdraw from any attempts to reach me. Then I start fighting. I build a fortress around me. If you penetrate...you win (sort of)! If you don't...I lose. Either way, I end up exhausted, miserable and feeling like I can't trust anyone. I have spent too many months fighting those who are here to help me. It's time for me to stop.
Finally, I was trying to be someone that I'm not. I can't write literary works. What I mean is that I don't feel my writing is "poetic". I don't use a lot of visual imagery or fancy word choices. In real life, I try to be as straightforward as possible. When I "sugarcoat" (as someone accused me of recently) I feel fake-as if I'm trying to please them more than be honest. I have been fake writing for a while now. I've been trying to be clever in my word choices by overusing my thesaurus. So, I have put my thesaurus to rest and reopened my heart.
AND IT'S WORKING!
But, one fun thing I do want to start is vocabulary lessons from the old British classics. Enjoy, because I have found a lot of them!
PHYSIOGNOMY n. a person's facial features or expression, esp. when regarded as indicative of character or ethnic origin
(*I love the fact that my Kindle defines words when I put the cursor next to it!*)