Today, at the gym...

I love music.  I'm not so much about creating it, but about feeling it.  I love lyrics and rhythm and the way my body moves when it catches just right.  Sometimes I'll choose a machine at the gym over classes because I prefer my playlist over the instructor's choice of music.

But today...I was inspired.

I'm revising a new novel now and the themes are still floating around in my head.  How do I want to make the reader feel?  What do I want to think about as I'm writing?

Every word of every song matters when I am seeking an emotion to write about.

I nearly fell over in conditioning class today when one song started.  The words swept me away.  I knew what they were singing about and now I have to write about it too.  So, this video is for you Rio.  Thanks for sharing your back story with me today.

Overcoming the Fantasy

White Horse Beach Plymouth MA

It's October 2011.

That means next month is November, also known in my world as NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month).

I won't be participating, though, as I have a very exciting non-fiction project due December 1st AND I'll be spending 9 glorious days in Disney World (my heaven).


But that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about fiction.  Actually, I am.  A LOT.  Because last year, I started a project titled "White Horse Beach" and I need to finish it.

 One problem though:  I absolutely HATE it!

Okay, I don't hate it.  Actually, I haven't even looked at it since last year.  But I've been thinking about what it's missing.  And three things have inspired me to give up my fantasy of keeping the main characters friends.

1)  I DON'T WRITE FANTASY and let's face it, a teen girl and teen boy staying friends during the summer at a beach town is pure fantasy, in my world anyway.

2) While reading The Hunger Games (I'm on book two of the triology, Catching Fire) I came to realize that a romantic relationship at White Horse Beach isn't necessarily a bad thing.

3)Finally, I heard Lady Antebellum's Just a Kiss and KNEW, right away...that's the story I NEED to tell.

I HAVE A BOOK DEAL

I've teased long enough.  Here's the deal:  in a partnership with Springfield Tornado and AuthorMikeInk, I will be writing the stories of survival from the Springfield Tornado.

The founder of the Facebook Community page and website Springfield Tornado has devoted much of his free time to this project since the tornado happened.   With a strong sense of passion, he knows that survivors will continue to need help long after the event.

This project speaks to two of my biggest passions: helping people heal and writing.

So, in the coming days, weeks, months share in this time of my life.  And please join the Springfield Tornado Website and LIKE Springfield Tornado Facebook Community Page for more up to date information.

A Hint...

I have a project brewing in the background.  The time is not right for me to spread the word.  But when I can, I will.

In the meantime, enjoy the silliness of my playlist.

Raising My Glass! Join me?

In January, I received an amazing letter full of editorial recommendations on my first novel Just A Girl. Now finally, two conferences, two workshops and six months later (along with a lot of pretty bad mood swings) I HAVE FINISHED THE REWRITE!!

Tomorrow, I will read the changes from start to finish.  But today, I'm taking a moment to celebrate.

Writing Research

I've reached that revision point in my novel where I really need to make it WOW.  The characters are set up.  The story is there.  And I understand the plot.

I've gone from 80k to 60k and now down to 42k words.

I was nervous, until I realized, (thanks to workshops, conferences and critiques), how important Psychology is to writing.

So, I've been doing my research-reading non-fiction books on the human condition.

As I create, my characters act in a certain way, therefore the story moves forward and a plot unfolds.

But as I look outside my fiction and into my real life, I see it's not all that different.  And I can apply my research to all my interactions.

Oh, if only I could write my own life the way I do for my characters.  But it's not that easy.  I can't control others.  I don't even think I want to (well......).  So, as I navigate this crazy world, I guess I'll enjoy my superb cast without trying to force the plot.

HEY REBECCA ROSE- does that make me a real life panster???

Yes, I'm a Bad Kid Baby

Did Lady Gaga write this song for me?  Insecure? Heart is pure?  Yes-I am designated as a BAD KID baby!
Consider me pumping my fist RIGHT NOW!! :)

Inspired by The Glen

Last week I immersed myself in the world of writing.  I didn't have to go far.  Lucky for me, The Glen East Workshop came to Mount Holyoke College in South Hadley, Ma-practically my own back yard. 

Every morning, we had a three hour workshop on Young Adult Fiction-where we critiqued each other's manuscripts with the one and only Sara Zarr.  OH YEAH!!  

And now, I'm back to reality.  But as I return, I'm integrating one small piece at a time.  So, I'm writing a letter to my main character.

Dear Loredonna,

As I your writer, I think you should know how frustrated I am.  Please don't take it personally.  You're growing and so am I.  You are making me crazy!!  One minute the words from you flow so easily and the next I feel I'm creating only crap.  I am aware this is normal, thanks to my writer friends, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd cooperate.  So, here's a song dedicated to you that really explains what I'm feeling:

Sincerely,

Lorettajo Kapinos, the author of your life

The Harsh Reality: Darkness is NOT Visible Enough

Last week's fury at the Wall Street Journal Book Review "Darkness Too Visible"  was all over Twitter.  The hashtag #YASAVES is still active.  (For those of you not familiar with a Twitter hashtag, it's a way to tag your post to be included in an ongoing conversation.)  It's apparent that those involved in Young Adult Literature are passionate about their work.

For months I've been following Young Adult Authors Against Bullying on Facebook and waiting anxiously for the release of the book Dear Bully, due out in fall of 2011.  This is an anthology, edited by Young Adult Authors Megan Kelly Hall and Carrie Jones is a compilation of bullying stories by well known authors.  It was born of passion to help teens and address the issue of bullying.  While on that group page the other day, I found an article that tore through my soul.  I knew I had to write about it.

Daniel Mendez, a sophomore in high school, committed suicide in May 2009.  His parents filed suit against four teens who allegedly bullied him.  Now, I'm not going to comment on the law suit but what really moved me was the publication of Daniel's letters to his psychiatrist and friends.  As I read it, I thought, FINALLY a REAL look at what people think when they believe death is the only answer.

It took me two days to read the whole letter.

I've lived what he wrote.  And his words threw me right back there.

How many others can relate?  I'd say: more than most.

How many can't even think about that kind of pain and suffering?  I'd say: TOO MANY.

But in order to save lives and help others, we need to talk about this.  We need to address what is truly driving human beings to end their own lives or to even THINK about it.  And that's where Young Adult Literature comes in.  Starting a difficult conversation with a teen (or anyone for that matter) can be easier with a catalyst.  Great books have always been amazing tools to do just that.

So, here again, I disagree with Meghan Cox Gurdon and her thoughts about YA books.  Darkness can't be visible enough.  It's time we turn the light on.  We need to face reality and rarely does it involve sunshine or rainbows.

I Speak in Code

"In the most Biblical sense,
I am beyond repentance
Fame hooker, prostitute wench vomits her mind
But in the cultural sense
I just speak in future tense
Judas kiss me if offensed,
Or wear ear condom next time..."

"I wanna love you,
But something's pulling me away from you
Jesus is my virtue,
And Judas is the demon I cling to ..."

This blog is, in fact, a cryptic message....but that's just me, having fun with the human mind.  I am, after all, a writer.  My job is to entertain and leave words open to interpretation.  There's  a hazard in this, but I'm going to have to get used to it.  Assumptions will be made about me.  Reviews will be written.  I guess this is as good as anyway to prepare myself. 

"I'm gonna sit in the middle, hang my feet off the edge...."

I left work the other evening and is what I saw from the parking lot.  I could NOT drive away.  The rainbow was perfect, so I stared at it and remembered a few important things.





#1) I remembered this song:

Why this one?  Because, if you listen to the lyrics...it's perfect for me.  Think of 'me', the writer and 'you' would be my readers.  Plus, I've always loved rainbows!

#2) I realized that rainbows follow storms.  I've been struggling with a lot lately, but seeing that reminded me it's all going to be okay.  I'm going to be okay.  And I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

So, if you're going through your own storm right now, or face one someday, please feel free to remember this picture and know that a rainbow is in your future!!!

Found it, Finally!!!

I've written.

I've learned.

I've revised.

And my novel has come a long way.

But, writers, do you know, that voice that's constantly chirping in the back of your head to create a certain WAY?

Some call it your inner editor or self censoring-but being a Disney freak-I prefer to call it  MY Jiminy Cricket.  He says things like: "That sounds dumb..."  or "Too many words Loretta."  or "No one wants to read THAT."

He exists for a reason, I know this, but still I seriously dislike him!!  (No offense, Walt, really, but he needs to be quiet when I'm writing. Just sayin'.)

Anyway, I think for ONCE I quelled him.  I'm not sure how it happened exactly, but I'm going to try to do it again in a few minutes.  What I did was open a chapter that needed serious revisions and just had fun with it, as if I was at a workshop brain dumping.  No thought about what I was trying to say or exactly which words I should use.  I just wrote.

And you know what? I loved it!

When I reread it, I loved it, still!!!  The narrative was real, relaxed and enjoyable.  I even read it to my husband, who smiled blankly and said "Great!."  (He's very enthusiastic, but does not have a reader's mind. I find it cute that he listens and tries to get it.)

So, now I truly think I've found my voice.  I thought I had, but now this new stuff coming out of me feels more genuine.  And I think my critique partners will agree.  Yeah, it's a stretch revealing my voice, but now that it's here, I realize I've always had it...it's just been silent...all these years.  Here's a tribute to one of my favorite musicians EVER!  Thank you Tori Amos for inspiring me since I was seventeen years old.

Holy Writer OVERLOAD-in a good way

Mary Newell DePalma

Brian Lies

 In one week, I was honored to attend two writer's events.  The first, was  Overcoming Challenges: A Program for Writers and Illustrators.  As a writer who's felt rather challenged lately, every little thing the panel members said resonated deep with in me. The event was small, intimate yet very inspiring.  

Jo Knowles

Barbara O'Connor

Listening and talking to like minded people pushed me to keep going just a little bit further.  And meeting each of them gave me the strength to do it that much better.

Sera Rivers, Jo Knowles, and ME!

And then, I went to a workshop in Pennsylvania: The Write Stuff.

There, the faculty was DONALD MAAS, an agent passionate about great writing and his wife LISA RECTOR MAAS, an independent agent, also dedicated to writing.

On Day One, Donald covered a variety of topics, including character and plot development, emotional conflict, and building of tension.  It felt like eight hours of intensive psychotherapy with my book.  WOW!  It hurt, in every way possible.  

Day Two involved more secondary aspects as minor characters and settings, as well as Lisa's input on sagging middles.  Yeah, another eight hours of yanking, crushing and building up my novel again.

I think the MOST easily shared piece of information I took away from these two days is exactly how much psychology and sociology goes into every great book.  The more tortured the soul, the better-meaning both writers and characters-ha ha!  

In addition-passion goes a long way.  It was so easy to feel the love of words, good books and writers exuding out of the souls of Donald and Lisa.  Just being in the room with them was enough to make me REALLY want to say what I need to say.

So, in closing, I'd like to share what ignites my passion-the very stimulus for my book, titled JUST A GIRL.  When I forget, I listen to this song-LOUD!!! and then I remember.... 

It's Complicated...Or is is just me? Secret #5

Everything looks different above the clouds....

Relationships, friendships...people in my life....sometimes I'd rather not deal with any of it.

I want to hide under the covers of my bed.

Forget the world.

Tell everyone to leave me alone.

This began....um, I don't even know when.

And that's why I started writing Just A Girl-because I wanted to explore my personal patterns of relationships.

What I found?  Honestly?  Is that it's so much easier to gloss over the truth, make it something it's not...FICTIONALIZE it.

And yet, something in me yearns to tell my truth.  Something bigger keeps trying to stop it.

After listening to Sara Zarr at the Winter Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators, my perspective has changed.  (THANK YOU SARA!  I can't wait to listen to you for an ENTIRE WEEK in June!!)  Her words about keeping a close inner circle of people made a lot of sense, and well, the need to have a good therapist.

She's right.

I now know the truth I need to infuse into my novel.  The crap I still need to cut out because it deflects what I really need to address:  the part of me who fights intimacy only to FINALLY let it in, take a chance, and feel utterly and completely disappointed by human nature.

Are ALL relationships this complicated or is it just me?

I have a feeling, it's not just me.  And that's exactly why I need to tell my story.

Except, it's hard--almost impossible, really.

But thankfully, I have a therapist.  And she's great.

I also have an inner circle of relationships--but that's still a work in progress.  But then again, so am I.

Truthfully, I'm tired of carrying this around with me.  I want to understand it better.  I need to.  I'm done with the same old cycle of fear, intensity, broken promises and pain.

And I'm terrified to post this blog....because even when I kick you away, I'm really thinking "Please, Please, Don't Leave Me"....

P!nk - Music - More Music Videos

Well...that's CRAP!

As I look at my novel through new eyes, I realize how many parts of it are CRAP.  That's not to say I'm a bad writer, it means I've grown.  I now see scenes with more clarity.  Before, I thought they had a purpose.  Now, I know they don't.

But that doesn't mean I have to get rid of them forever.  I can either reincorporate them later in the book, where they'd have stronger impact or keep them for future novels.  Either way, they're axed.  And it HURTS!

So, instead of giving up, I'm dealing by building a bigger, better novel.  I'm tightening things up--hammering words and thoughts into place.  It only makes sense.

I have faith.  I know I'm on the right path, because I see the signs.  Like I said in a previous post, I'll be attending SCBWI's Winter Conference in NYC.

And Sara Zarr is going to be there.

Why is this a sign?  Because she writes the most amazing realistic teen fiction novels.  Not fantasy, paranormal or vampires!

 (Not that I have anything against any of those genres-but YAY for me!!!!!!)

 And WHY does this matter?  I write realistic fiction and a few years ago it seemed that my genre was never going to come of age, again.  Now, I have more hope than ever.  There COULD be a Judy Blume type revival. And I'M READY!!  I don't think reality ever went away--it just sort of faded into the background of teen novels.  But with amazing authors including Jay Asher and Jo Knowles bringing it back with their talent, I believe the best is yet to come.  And I hope I'm one of them.

So, while I hope, I'll continue to axe and hammer my novel until I get it right.  It's the only way I'm going to get anywhere.  Yeah, it hurts, but I'll survive.  I have to.  I started this.  I'm not one to quit, EVER.

Learning from the best...

I'm not sure what is exactly appropriate for me to reveal, so forgive me if I'm a little vague.  But this blog is devoted to my writing experience.  I think it's only fair I speak a little about what I'm going through.

A few months ago, I submitted my novel to a new, small publishing house.

I waited for a response.  I tried to be patient and optimistic.  It paid off.

Shortly after the first of the year, I inquired about the status.  I was shocked speechless to receive the most amazing email.  It started with great praise, continued with suggestions and ended with inspiration.

WHO GETS THAT???

From what I've heard about the writing/publishing industry, not too many people.  So, I'd be stupid NOT to listen to words of advice given.  I immediately ordered Donald Maass's Book Writing the Breakout Novel.

Every paragraph resonates through me.  Every question he asks rocks my world.  AND I am going to his seminar in March-SWEET!!

I am truly happy I bought this book long before his seminar.  Let me tell you-it's forcing me to dig deeper into myself than ever before.  And, well...it kind of hurts...A LOT.  But according to Mr. Maass that's the stuff breakout novels are made of.

This is why I started writing anyway...to learn about myself, to deal, to FEEL.  I just didn't expect "it" to actually happen, I guess.

What's "it"?  I don't know?  Success?  Publication?  Both?

I started with the intention that no one was actually going to read my words.  But that's changed.  So, I guess I have to as well.

Here goes, I guess....It's back to revising and reaching deeper into myself than I ever thought possible.  And I want to THANK those who are helping me-you know who you are! :)

The Time has Come

I am a girl.  But not any girl.  I am JUST A GIRL.

What does that mean?  I don't know quite yet, except that I have written the book.  And that's its title: JUST A GIRL.

But I'm also a woman.

And a nurse.

And a wife.

And a mother.

And a friend.

And an auntie.

And...the list goes on and on.

So what does JUST say?

I'm only starting to figure that out for me.  And I'm about to give all my secrets away.  Because "I need another story.  Something to get off my chest...."-OneRepublic

The Kidlit Contest....

A few months ago, I posted a blog about chances. And I believe one chance IS all I need. But in order to increase the likelihood of actually getting there, I need to create my own chances.

Anyone can do it. And if you have a novel that you are ready to submit, here's your chance. It's easy. And to be honest, I have found the preparation fun, but that's me. So, to all you YA novelists out there, take your chance along with me. Submit your first 500 words to:

Kidlit contest

And may the best words win!!!

Good luck.

Announcement of Intention

It's 2010. I have goals. Real ones. Some are in my control and some are not. My blog, website are in my control and may shift the tide for me.

I am about to embark on the lovely journey of finding an agent. It will be a long, hard road. I expect rejections, a lot of rejections. And honestly, I can embrace it. But what if one actually wants to read my novel? What if...God, I can't even go there. Though I should start imagining that I will sign an agent this year. Isn't that how dreams come to fruition?

Well, maybe later I will think of that.

Anyway, I have not been keeping this blog active. And that is going to change. So is the whole site itself, along with my website.

I have a plan. One that involves my platform: Young Adult, Fiction/Novel writing, Depression and Suicide.

Yes! I said the words: DEPRESSION and SUICIDE.

I want to talk about them. It's about time.

So, over the n ext few months, expect big changes from my blog and website. And maybe, I can interest a few agents, thereby swaying the odds in my favor.

Trying to pull it all together

Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, MySpace, Blogger! The list goes on and on. There are so many sites out there to utilize and so much information to gather. But is there a place to put it all together that is both affordable (free) and easy to use? Could a website do that for me?

My idea would be a site that has a page devoted to each networking site, much like the tabs of a folder-like a Trapper Keeper kept all of my papers organized in high school. I could log into my website and quickly browse through everything. Does a tool like this exist? If it doesn't could I create it?

Hmmm, I'm gonna have to get organizationally creative, I guess.