Monday, April 25, 2011

Why Do I Do That?

"The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear. 
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer. 
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time. 
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere. 
They don't like my jeans; they don't get my hair. 
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time. 
Why do we do that? Why do I do that? 

Why do I do that? "

-Pink, "Effin' Perfect"

Do you ever see people driving around in their cars, music rippin' and the fool is screaming the lyrics as if she wrote them?


That'd be ME!!!

I can't say how many stares, glares and cheers I've gotten over the years.  But you know what?  I DON'T CARE!!!

Right now, Pink's song "Perfect" is one of my most listened to songs...(this poses a problem when my critters are in the car, but they're so good they know to skip it because of the frequent F-bombs).

And I love the quote I posted above...and I frequently ask myself "WHY DO I DO THAT?"

I mean, why do I let other people get me down?

Why do I take stuff SO personally?

And finally, why do I have to respond DYSFUNCTIONALLY????

I'd really expect at my age, with my experience, I'd be better at relating to other people.  And for the most part I do.  But there's always that reminder, I have some work to do.  Just when I think I have it all together, something totally throws me.  

And I act like an idiot.

So, if I've been an idiot to you lately, I'm sorry.  I'm trying to get back to the ME I want to be.  I'm trying AGAIN to unlearn all the bad habits that have found their way back into my life.

To those who've been helping me (you know who you are!), THANK YOU for being kind, patient and understanding.

I'm a stubborn perfectionist who thinks I have to handle it all on my own.  But I can't, I'm learning again.  And probably will need to continue to do so.

And more than likely, I'll ask myself again: WHY DO I DO THAT?


  1. I so get this post! I think we all fall off the wagon at times...and have to find our way back to being 'US'. Thank goodness for good friends and family along the way who know we WILL find our way back and so they sit, patiently, waiting for our return.

    I think this is a curse we writers must take things too personally, to act like an idiot, and to strive to be wonderful all the time as a good mom, wife, friend (while our writer inside is screaming crazy things!!)

    Dont give up! You will get back to you, get lost again, and find your way back - again. And those who love you will stand by. I should know, my husband does!

  2. I am one of those people who blast good music in the car. haha

    The strive for perfection can never end, for the day perfection arrives, we will cease writing.

  3. I really like the update to your blog. And the quote from Pink. SPring puts us all at a crossroads- every year. And every year I think that my whole world is coming apart, but then it doesn't.
    Channel that energy, baby!